No Life King Of Tokyo-3
by CerberusTheHunter
Summary: After the Zepplin affair in 1999, undead of all kinds were hunted down by humanity, eager to rid itself of its final predator. A being thought to be the original undead was found beneath the antarctic ice. Attempts to end it resulted in disaster known as Second Impact. 14 years later, The title of Sir Hellsing has passed to Cpt. Katsuragi of NERV, along with a certain vampire.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_In the year 1999 the Millennium organization, a Nazi occult science group which had survived in South America, surfaced. Using technology, they had duplicated a race of monsters that has preyed on mankind since the beginning of history, the undead. Vampires, heading armies of semi-intelligent mobile corpses known as ghouls, made high profile attacks throughout the world._

_Two organizations, existing in opposition but concurrent in purpose, opposed them in Europe. The Royal Order of Protestant Knights, also known as the Hellsing Organization, and Vatican Operations Section XIII, also known as Iscariot._

_The matter came to a head in the invasion of London shortly before the turn of the century. The majority of forces involved perished, including the Hellsing Organization's most powerful weapon, a vampire under their control known as Alucard. This being was known in life as the Wallachian noble Vlad "the impaler" Tepes, better known as Dracula and one of the most powerful undead to have ever existed._

_Humanity, now aware at large of the existence of the undead, rallied their nations and purged the vampires and ghouls within their ranks. Under the newly created UN organization called GEHIRN, the effort to exterminate the final predators of humanity began. Within a year those vampires that were not controlled by a human led force had been nearly wiped out. Those that remained outside human control were now the prey._

_In August of 2001, a discovery was made beneath the Antarctic ice. An immense being, theorized by some to be the origin of the undead on Earth, had been found. This being, which became known as the vampire Adam was dormant at its discovery, but after it was uncovered signs of unlife began to return. _

_In September of that same year a contact experiment was attempted, utilizing a holy weapon known as the Spear of Destiny. The objective of the experiment was to neutralize Adam. Contact instead resulted in an event known as Second Impact, also known as the Second Great Flood. The Antarctic ice melted in an instant, raising sea levels and killing nearly two billion by drowning and the destruction rent by worldwide tidal waves._

_This was to only be the start of a new, dark, chapter for humanity. Within days, vampires and ghouls began to reemerge. Those bodies which had been recovered where quickly burned, but the unrecovered hundreds of millions held a potential army beneath the waves, the likes of which the world had never seen._

_GEHIRN was reorganized as UN NERV, in which was trusted the organization of resistance against the undead which now plagued humanity in a way not seen in recorded history. NERV was successful in organizing the retaking of much of the remaining land of the planet, however Africa and Europe remain lost to the undead._

_As humanity rallied, new and terrible forms of the dead emerged the likes of which had not seen before. The worst of these became known as Angels. Vast gestalts of putrid flesh, theorized to be the result of several hundred thousand corpses being fused into a single creature. After the first was dispatched through use of several thermonuclear weapons, a new solution was needed._

_In 2006, a ritual was conducted by the remnants of the Hellsing Organization and a small faction of NERV personnel who believed in their methods of combating the undead using the undead. This ritual involved all recovered articles of the vampire Alucard as well as a large quantity of virgin blood, the vampire Alucard's only progeny, and a young male child. _

_The exact procedures of the ritual are unknown, however all involved, but for Sir Integra Hellsing and the remaining controlled vampire, perished including the child's mother. Both have refused to divulge the content or intent of the ritual, leveraging their continued utility in exterminating the undead threat to avoid prosecution._

_The result of the experiment was a vampire borne of the body of the child. This vampire was found to be in possession of the many magical and technological enhancements made to the vampire Alucard during its use by the Hellsing Organization, leading many to believe the ritual was meant to resurrect the organization's most potent weapon. The vampire was declared property of the Hellsing Organization and put into their custody._

_The year is 2014. Sir Hellsing has died and willed the vampir,e known in life as Shinji Ikari, to UN NERV on the condition that they provide a suitable candidate to serve as the creature's master._

_This is the story of the Vampire and his master as they seek to end the undead threat to humanity._

Captain Misato Katsuragi of NERV strode through the emptied town. All of the inhabitants had been evacuated to provide a buffer zone around the arrival site. Military vehicles and heavily armed soldiers filled the streets. NERV VTOLs patrolled the skies and the prepared landing site, a grassy municipal baseball diamond, was lit by a dozen spotlights.

Misato heard the sound of helicopter blades and hurried to the field's edge. All NERV aircraft used the tilting jet design, which meant any helicopter in the area had to be their delivery. As it came down into the field of light, she could see it was a Russian model, one of their large cargo haulers that resembled the flying tank that was the Hind gunship. She had heard Hellsing had been hiding out with the Russians.

As the helicopter set down, it brought with it a hurricane of dust, and Misato raised her jacket around her nose and mouth. She could see soldiers in black dismounting from the huge helo. On their shoulders was the quartered red and black badge of Hellsing.

One soldier, apparently the leader, pointed at her and beckoned for her to approach. As she walked towards the aircraft, the blades were coming to a stop.

"Captain Katsuragi?" The man asked in a Russian accent. A balaclava covered his face and Misato could see only his eyes.

Misato nodded and held up her NERV ID. The man pointed towards the rear of the chopper, where the large cargo ramp was opening. She nodded again and began to walk towards the ramp. Despite all the lights, she could see nothing but inky blackness past the door. She stood one step away from the ramp and looked to the man who had called her over. He only nodded and she sighed then took a deep breath before stepping into the darkness.

Misato knew she should have heard the sound of her heels on metal deckplate. She should not be hearing the dull tock of the stout heels hitting hardwood. She should not be smelling cigar smoke and alcohol. She should not be seeing a dark barroom with a single occupant seated at the single table and a band of identical men to the one at the table, all dressed in dark grey suits with red shirts and ties, playing deep, thrombing jazz. And yet, she heard, smelt, and saw all of these things as if they were perfectly real.

The man at the table held up a white gloved hand and beckoned for her to come and sit. She had been shown pictures of the vampire and this man looked nothing like the asian teenager she had been sent to collect. He was tall, unganly so, and had long black hair and noble European features. Despite the darkness, he wore sunglasses.

"Cease the illusion vampire." She said and stood beside the table.

"Command is something you will soon possess, but for now, yours is to listen…" The man said and waved two fingers. Misato found herself thrust into a chair, which rocked back before all four legs settled on the floor as if held there.

"…and obey."

The man took a sip from a wine glass, which Misato was sure was not filled with wine, before speaking again.

"You are the candidate to be our master?"

"Yes."

"Do you fulfill the criteria?"

"Yes" She responded again. The criteria he spoke of, more than anything, had put her in this position. Simply put, she was the highest-ranking female officer in NERV who was a virgin and single. She liked to attribute both to the massive injuries she had received as an up-close-and-personal witness to the second great flood. A piece of shrapnel the size of a dinner plate had cut her from just below her breast down to her tailbone. She was a virgin by virtue of the fact that "down there" had been repaired to function to remove waste and there wasn't anything left to do anything else.

She still had feelings and emotions of course, strong ones, just romantic relationships too often had trouble getting past the state of her body. That enjoyable sex was not even really a possibility did not help matters.

"Have you ever considered the possibility of eternal life, m'lady?"

"Yes." She responded. It was part and parcel to hunting the undead. It was the prisoner's dilemma that allowed them to continue for millennia. Despite eternal damnation, someone was always willing to take the deal. It was pointless to tell people not to think about it, everyone did. It was having the fortitude not to keep thinking about it.

"And what did you think of it?"

"I found it wanting." To live forever, as a neutered freak, alone, was not in any way desirable to her.

The chuckle that came from the figure was deeply unsettling. The smile doubly so.

"Good." He said and waved one hand over the table. An arcane symbol appeared in white over the dirty wood. It was a pentagram within a circle, flanked by warding. Words in english around the rim read: HELLSING - Hells Gate Arrested – Gott Mit Uns – And Shine Heaven Now.

"Memorize this circle. You will draw it…" He flicked his fingers and was suddenly holding a piece of white chalk. "…With this. One stride wide. You will ask us to step into it, before drawing your own blood…"

His flicked the fingers of his other hand and now held both the chalk and a mother of pearl handled pen knife out for her.

"And let us taste of it. Once we have drank of it, we are bound to you and you to us." With that he stood and the table, the floor, the band, and the whole of the bar and all its details melted into darkness. Misato found herself standing now in a small circle of light over a metal floor she recognized as the deck plating of the helicopter. The vampire was only a pair of bright red eyes within the darkness.

"Begin."

"You do not command me, vampire."

"And yet you must obey, your mission demands it."

Misato grimaced and took a deep breath before kneeling down, and she was very mindful of the fact that she was kneeling before the vampire, and starting to draw. The circle was not perfect, but it was close enough. As she rose, she locked eyes with the red orbs in the dark and held the pen knife to her palm.

"Step forward vampire." She said.

Out from the darkness stepped a figure made of darkness itself. It was in the shape of a man but as if slightly out of focus. Misato became uneasy as she tried to look deeper at its skin. She could catch glimpses of crawling things, of flying things, before her mind forced her to unfocus. As it stepped into the chalk circle, the lines on the metal deck began to glow. The ritual had begun, the vampire was locked within the chalk lines until it was complete.

With a hiss she pulled the blade down through the flesh of her palm. The figure twitched as if to grab at her arm and she pulled her hand away. It was time to put this vampire in his place.

"No. Yours is to obey vampire, not to take. End this illusion."

The figure growled and bore a mouth of bright white fangs at her.

"Now! Or I leave you in that circle and have my men dispose of you like all the other undead scum."

It opened its mouth and hissed at her as the darkness began to recede. First she saw the interior of the helicopter, then the darkness pulled back over the figure and what it left astonished Misato.

Standing in the circle was a pitifully sick looking young boy. He had black hair cut in a bowl cut and his skin was pallor grey. He wore a rumpled black suit that was too big for him and his black necktie hung loose around his red shirt collar.

This was the Hellsing Organizations ultimate weapon?

"P-please…" The boy rasped out, holding up his white gloved hands together in front of him. "I-I'm sorry about the illusions, I j-just didn't think I'd make a good impression and I c-couldn't really remember the steps right, s-so I let him come out. I-I'm Shinji Ikari, the real one."

Misato pushed all thoughts of sympathy from her mind. This was probably just another trick. It would be best to end this before the vampire got any more creative. She thrust out her hand and clenched her fist, causing the blood to begin to trickle down her hand.

"Drink, vampire."

He leaned in and stuck out a tongue that was far too long to look at all natural. He lapped at the trickle from her hand and for some reason she could not fathom, Misato opened her fingers. The young vampire latched onto her hand, though without using his fangs Misato noted, and began to drink from the wound. The soft squeaking as his sucking caused the seal of his lips to break reminded Misato of a babe breastfeeding in an incredibly unsettling way.

"That's enough!" She said and pulled her hand away.

The boy looked at her with sad red eyes, as if he had been struck, before her mind forced her not to focus again for a moment. When she could see the vampire again, he had changed.

It still looked like the boy, though it stood upright now instead of the pitiful slouching creature that had drunk from her hand. His black hair was slicked back over his head and he wore the same little round sunglasses that the adult in the illusion had worn. He filled the suit perfectly now and Misato saw the circle she had drawn on the floor drawn on his white gloves as he reached up and cinched up his tie.

The boy clicked his heels together and with one hand behind his back and the other held horizontal across his abdomen, bowed.

"What is thy bidding my master?"

"Tell me who you are, vampire, truly."

"I am untold multitudes contained within the blood of a single vampire." He said as he straightened up. "I am the impaler, I am the dragon, I am the no-life king, and I am Shinji Ikari. I am also untold millions more. Most importantly, I am yours to command Misato Katsuragi, your humble servant on an unbreakable leash."

He smiled and it did not surprise the captain that every tooth in his mouth was a fang.

"And I am your gadfly. I am the ever present voice of temptation." He said, spreading his arms to his sides. "I am infinite power at your beck and call, but yours to truly own should you only ask. You may have considered the offer of eternal life oh captain my captain, but never with it right here at your fingertips. I am your eternal reminder that you choose to continue your slow march to death when you could rule as a queen for eternity if you only asked."

"Eternity holds no draw for me vampire."

"As your wretched self, but the vampire changes its form to suit its desires. If a queen of the damned wanted _companionship_…" He leaned towards her and his glasses slipped down his nose, exposing one bright red eye. The other was covered by darkness.

"Then she would only change herself to receive it."

It was revolting to think that this creature now knew her every thought. Her every fear, her every desire. He knew them as well as she did now and the rest of her life she would fend off his offers of succor.

"Silence, Freak!" She barked imperiously, standing as tall as she could. "You are not some noblewoman's pet any longer. I am a soldier, and I will take you into the breach until your kind is wiped from this world! And when none remain but you, I will put the stake through your heart myself!"

In a wave of darkness he turned back into the sickly child who had suckled from her hand.

"Would you?" He asked with tears in his eyes. When she flinched the vampire returned to its healthy form and began to laugh. It was cruel and grating.

"Very well master, let us go together now, and I will show you what a fearsome bite this noblewoman's pet has."

The ritual complete, Misato turned to leave the helicopter and found the Hellsing host at the cargo door, guns raised.

"What is going on here?" She said, that imperiousness from speaking to the vampire still lingering in her voice.

"Sorry Ma'am, we just had to confirm it was done before we let you go." The leader said and waved a hand at one of his troops. One soldier walked up the ramp to Misato holding what looked like an old style weapons case, the kind in which one does not carry a shotgun but rather a _fowling piece_.

"This is his weapon, we held it for you to return to him, just as a precaution you know.

"I would require no weapon to eat every single one of you curs." Came the smooth bass, too deep for the body that made it.

_Throughout the ages, organizations have existed to hunt the monsters which prey upon mankind. In the modern era, The Royal Order Of Protestant Knights and Section XIII Iscariot were but two of these groups. As man fought back against the undead hordes after impact, the knowledge of how to kill these monsters became more common knowledge, and was then analyzed, tested, developed into effective weapons._

_Silver, blessed precious metals and religious symbols, fire, stakes through the heart. Stuff of stories became the stuff of science. Combined with the frightful artifice of the modern military industrial complex, killing low level vampires became less about inherent luck and more about skill and training._

_However, as vampires became more powerful, things became less clear-cut. Their weaknesses diminish as theybgrow strong and come resist these things, or become outright immune to them. Thus strategy to deal with an influx of freaks falls into two camps: Destroy as many as possible to keep them from getting stronger, or find the alpha, the sire, and destroy him, killing all of his children. Both are easier said than done._

"Silence vampire." Misato said without looking at him. He chuckled but said nothing more. The soldier held the case for her to open with the latches facing her. She opened them together, one hand on each and raised the lid.

Her inner military brat squealed. Oh dear god in heaven, that was a Holland &amp; Holland. Inside the case was a cut down over and under shotgun. Each barrel was no more than a foot long and the last two inches had been aggressively ported with dozens of small holes. The grip was a single handed "bird's head" with the heel carved into the likeness of a snarling dog. All of the metal work on the lock and trigger guard was richly engraved with religious imagery and the relief darkened to make it stand out all the more. She was no expert on wood grain, but it looked like a deeply stained cherry on the short grip and the hand guard that covered the first 8 inches or so of the lower barrel. Even the toggle that would release the lock and open the action was engraved, a flame pattern snaking down from a burning eye motif across the top of the lock.

Misato lifted the piece from the green felt of the case with two hands, almost afraid to scuff the finish. As she turned it over in her hands, she saw that a golden cross marked each barrel just behind the porting. She turned and looked at the vampire, still holding the gun as if it was made of glass. The German made pistol in her shoulder holster felt vulgar in comparison.

"I didn't know Holland &amp; Holland ever made a… leopard gun." Calling it a sawed-off would have just been obscene.

"They never did." The vampire said and held out an open hand. Misato handed the gun over and the vampire opened the action, inspecting it before inserting two shells taken from somewhere that Misato did not see within its jacket.

"This weapon was adapted from the favorite duck gun of Arthur Hellsing, father of the recently late Integra Hellsing. While I lost my pistols in the battle of London, upon my rebirth circumstances had changed. Blessed silver crosses are not as common as they used to be. A 12-bore was chosen for the commonality of the ammunition and the ease with which the specialized munitions I require for our work can be manufactured for it. The shot molds should be in that case as well. I need only find some silver flatware or some donated fillings…" He grinned as he said that. "Any old priest can do the blessing and voila, specialized blessed silver ammunition.

With a jerk of his wrist the gun snapped shut. It sounded like a glamorous actress getting slapped across the face.

"Beautiful, but reduced to absolute utilitarianism. It is wonderful, like a princess made a whore." He chuckled at that and in a maneuver that Misato's mind screamed just **should not work**, slid the weapon under his jacket and it simply went away as he buttoned up. No printing, no outline.

"We'll have his coffin unloaded in just a minute ma'am." Said the leader. As Misato walked down the loading ramp with the vampire in tow, she saw a NERV man in a black suit waving to her. It took nearly a minute to reach him outside the brightly lit buffer zone. Misato approached the man in darkness.

"Captain, is it done?"

"Yes, now what is going on?"

"Freak's attacking ma'am."

"Shit, where are-" She stopped as the man's chest burst open with a white glove coming through. The man writhed in agony and his lips stretched back to reveal fangs. She was in shock until the body turned to ash and crumbled. The spear hand belonged to her vampire, who stood just behind where the man had been with his arm still extended.

"Good help is so hard to find." The vampire sneered.

"Shit, there are probably more of them."

"There are. We are surrounded; over half of your ground force is compromised by my count. They are either vampires themselves, thralls, or have already been killed or converted into ghouls." The vampire said and adjusted his red sunglasses.

Misato was about to argue when the roars of gunfire started all around them.

"If you knew, how come you didn't say anything earlier?"

"Your UV lights may not harm me, but they detrimental to my senses. I only identified this one after I left the perimeter." He said, grinding a piece of ash apart between two fingers. He flicked his fingers to get the rest off his glove.

"What are your orders, master?"

"Isn't that obvious? Kill them all. Destroy every last freak in the area then tell me how they infiltrated NERV! GO!"

The vampire bowed and Misato could hear his deep, thundering laugh as he faded into the darkness. The distinctive boom of a shotgun began to appear over the rattles of assault rifle and submachine gun fire. Misato retreated back to the spotlight buffer zone and found herself rushed into a circle of Hellsing troops.

In the distance, the vampire Shinji Ikari was doing his sacred duty. He had found many ghouls, and even some vampires amongst the horde, but nothing of note. While the vampires were not the pitiful machine made copies he fought in the 90's, nor where they anything worth reporting in about, or even stopping for a snack. He'd only had to dirty his hands with that first one that tried to ambush his master.

The rest fell to blessed silver buckshot, or dragon's breath, or swarms of silver darts as thin as a human hair, or whatever else he had in shells. That was one of the reasons he really loved this weapon. It offered so much variety.

A double blast of silver flechettes cleared an alleyway, leaving the immediate area silent. Shinji pressed the toggle and caught the ejected shells in one hand as the action opened.

"So this is NERV's new puppy, a gift from the Hellsing bitch." Came a voice that echoed from the buildings. It sounded like it was coming from every direction.

Oh wonderful, one of these. At least tonight wouldn't be boring, he hoped. He did not make any effort to confront the voice. The loudmouth would make an appearance sooner or later. Instead he loaded two more rounds and slapped the action shut again then let the weapon hang at his side in his right hand with his left hand in his pants pocket.

"What, nothing to say, puppy?"

Shinji yawned, his jaw opening just a bit too far. His long tongue snaked around to clean a spot between two fangs before he shut his mouth.

"You know I am going to kill you, right puppy?"

"Weeeeeell, I'm sure you're gonna try, pardner." The vampire said, letting a little bit of a drawl enter his deep voice and sounding a little like John Wayne in the process.

"Ha, they say you're the second coming of Alucard. I think your just some punk in a nice suit." Said the voice, finally making itself known to the west. "And I think even if you are him, you got soft fighting those Nazi fakes and pulling that shit in London. I think you are just like the rest of us now."

Shinji finally turned now to size up the loudmouth. He looked like a punk himself. Tall and skinny, he wore acid washed jeans and a matching vest, covered in clothespinned on patches. He had a fiery red warrior stripe across his head to match his eyes, and was holding one of those 16-inch cut down M14s in one hand at his side. He had kitbashed a 75-round drum off what looked like an RPK onto it and the black plastic stock had 'Maggot And The Meat Lice' written on it in bright green ink. The alleyway cut across several streets and he was standing between two buildings nearly 200 yards away

"You would be Maggot then?"

"Sharp eyes puppy." Maggot said and raised his weapon in both hands. "But you dun got yourself in a bad situation, pardner. Cause I can pull this trigger 5 times before you can get out of that alley and you ain't gonna hit me with that shotgun and make it hurt. Not even a slug is going to make a dent at this range, not from that little thing."

Shinji thought the punk was probably right. He couldn't get out of the alley.

"You must not be stupid to set this up. Too bad you weren't smart enough to run." Shinji said and brought up his shotgun. Maggot fired and a burst of 30-caliber bullets ripped Shinji's glasses off his face, along with a good chunk of his face, and blew open his left shoulder.

Shinji's aim did not err. He fired and as the slug left the barrel, shards of its sabot jacket went flying off. Unlike the traditional sabot slug, more a bullet in a plastic shell than anything, this was closer to the penetrator of an APFSDS tank round. The barrel-filling sabot jacket applies the energy usually used to launch large payloads into a comparatively small dart-like bullet. It allows a smoothbore weapon to fire an extremely accurate and powerful projectile. As the vampire called Maggot is about to discover.

The silver dart shrieked through the air and slid right along the side of Maggot's rifle, taking off the tips of the fingers of his left hand before impacting between the knuckles of his middle and trigger fingers and splitting his entire right arm to the elbow. When it finally stopped, embedded in the quickly burning ligaments of his elbow, it exploded and showered Maggot with razor sharp slivers of silver so fine they would pass into the pores of even a human. Each one lit its own little conflagration in Maggot's skin. To his credit, the charred vampire still managed to pick his weapon up in his more intact off hand and fired at Shinji again.

Shinji had learned something in his past life though. These lowlifes could be fun to toy with, but unless he thought there was a real challenge there, it was pointless to draw things out. He had easier ways of getting information.

Oh this one was getting up, he was even regenerating wherever the silver hadn't poisoned him. It was nice to be fighting real vampires again after that business 15 years ago.

As his shoulder knit itself back together and the lines of his suit smoothed back out, Shinji started walking, shotgun hanging at his side in his right hand with his left stuffed in his trouser pocket. With his glasses gone, his red eyes glowed in the darkness of the alley.

"Well come on Maggot, its just your arm! Show me what its like to fight a real vampire again!"

Even as Shinji stepped into the light of the first street, the bright lights didn't wash out the red light. As he passed into the darkness of the next alley, Maggot finally got himself together enough to actually aim. He fired several bursts, his vampiric strength keeping the otherwise monstrous recoil under control. Maggot smiled when he saw light through the holes in the young vampire's body.

"Ha! You're just a fancy gun and a suit! We are the new kings of this world! Alucard is dead and…" Maggot shut up as the kid not only kept walking, but as he passed into the light of the street again, the holes were gone and lines of his suit were perfect.

"What was that you were saying, Maggot?" Shinji said, his unnaturally deep baritone bouncing off the alley walls around the punk. Maggot started to stammer out a reply then raised his rifle again and held down the trigger, sending a stream of hot lead at the little freak. When the action went click, the magazine empty, the vampire didn't even look human anymore, just a pile of parts on parts on the ground. But the puddle of gore was still oozing its way forward, and somehow, in a way even Maggot's vampire brain saw as _wrong_, as it passed into the light, Shinji was walking on two feet, the lines of his suit still crisp. Maggot could see the shining teeth below those glowing eyes now.

Maggot dropped the rifle and snarled at Shinji. Shadow overtook the mohawk'd punk's right arm, the one that had been shredded, and remade it in darkness. Maggot wound up like a pitcher, left leg in the air to turn his body. When he threw, his arm lanced out like a spear. It passed across two more streets and an alley before punching clean through Shinji's chest, right through the heart.

The young vampire began to gurgle and clutched at the arm thick stake of darkness that dragged him to his knees.

"Ha, what's wrong, you were talking such good shit!" Maggot said then slammed the limp body between the building walls that bound the alley.

"You pathetic lap dog! All the stories must really be bullshit! No real vampire would serve a human, never!" Maggot said and dragged the body through the streets and alleys, smashing it against cars, masonry, streetlights, and everything else in the way.

"Alright puppy, end of the line." Maggot said, licking his lips as he held the broken corpse above him, still impaled on his arm. "Any last words?"

"Are you done? Cause this has been fun and all, but if you are going to do that good dirty talk, I'd like to get on with it." The vampire said with a sneer.

Maggot began to scream as Shinji's neck turned like a snake and he sank his mouth of fangs into the shadow arm that pierced his body. Eyes began to spread along the arm and darkness snaked its way across Maggot's body before his own shoulder turned into teeth and bit itself off.

"Well? Grow it back!" Shinji barked. He reached up with his left hand and stabbed his index and middle finger into Maggot's eyes, then grabbed him by face with his thumb under the jaw. He swung and smashed Maggot's skull against the brick wall, then threw him to the ground.

"Get up! Summon your familiars, regenerate, and fight me!" Shinji yelled and whipped the punk across the face with the barrel of his shotgun before pressing the twin barrels into his face where his eyes used to be. "What's wrong, Maggot? You were talking that good shit a second ago. Show me what a new king of this world can do!"

"Man fuck you! Satchmo is gonna fuck you up when he finds you, then you know what? He's gonna go dig up that Hellsing bitch, fuck her corpse, and make it a threesome with your new bitch! He…" Maggot was cut short when buckshot turned his skull to mush.

Shinji snapped his fingers and the gore began to break down and flow to him. After a few minutes, Shinji was left alone in the alley, holding his shotgun and the vandalized battle rifle. He looked it over. It wasn't a bad weapon by any means, and the ammunition was common enough. Its previous owner just had questionable taste.

Maggot had not known much, but it was enough point his master in the right direction. This "Satchmo" though, must be his sire. Shinji darkly chuckled. The game is afoot.

Shinji mopped up some remaining ghouls as he made his way back to the landing zone at the center of town. The guards tried to make him wait for Misato to verify him before they let him through. Shinji convinced them they would be better off just letting him pass. He still had his guns in his hands as he approached the small Hellsing encampment around the transport helicopter.

"Maggot and the meat lice?" Misato asked.

"I've recently acquired a taste for punk. I found the leader of this little raid. He didn't know know much, but his boss's name is Satchmo."

"Good." Misato said then reached out and patted him on the head. Without his glasses, she could see the glare he shot back. The guards were horrified. Even the Hellsing men were crossing themselves.

"What the fuck was that?" He snarled.

She had to lean down a little to be at even eye level with him. She patted him on the head again.

"Good lap dog. Because that's what you are. Now report."

"Yes, Sir Hellsing."

"Sir what now?"

Shinji got to chuckle at the woman. She had a nice act, but she needed to work on the whole ice queen image.

"Were you not informed that the item of the will to which you are entitled also includes the title and position of Sir Hellsing?"

Her face was priceless. She was going to be fun.

"Also, some packages for you should be waiting at your office. Can't have you walking around like a commoner." The vampire said with a dark laugh. "Anyway…"

The vampire tucked both weapons into his jacket, the impossibility of which continued to irk Misato, then pulled his whole and undamaged glasses from his breast pocket before sliding them on his face, middle finger pressing on the bridge.

"I'm bored. Are we heading back to wherever home is soon? Or should I go for a walk to pass the time?"

Behind the vampire, a soldier was shaking his head vigorously and giving Misato hand signals which were hard to interpret as anything but "NO!"

"You men, get these things loaded into a VTOL. You…" She said, pointing at the vampire. "… are to come with me and go nowhere unless told. Understand?"

"Of course Master."

End

* * *

Woohoo, first chapter up! Okay granted the first half is basically the one shot story cleaned up a little, but the whole point was for that to be the first chapter of a story.

A note for the not gun-obsessed. Holland &amp; Holland is a London gunmaker with a long history of making hunting rifles and shotguns of the highest quality for royalty, nobility, and the similarly wealthy. The least expensive piece I can find from their shop on the market right now, a used hunting rifle, is going for $18,000. Shotguns like the one Shinji's is made from sale for upwards of $40,000.

So obviously, this is Hellsing/Evangelion crossover fic, but there are a few other things that may be referenced either directly or just for fun:

-White Wolf Games' World of Darkess, both for fun (I dislike their take on vampires) and directly (some of their other games though…)

-Hellsing Ultimate: Abridged Series (obviously for fun, but this Alucard is a mix of his canon and abridged selves, in other words a massive troll.)

-A certain young adult novel series whose shall not be written, obviously for fun, and pretty much anywhere I can make a joke from. Look forward to violence and dark humor to come.


	2. Chapter 2

High on a hillside, Captain Misato Katsuragi of NERV, or rather Sir Misato Katsuragi Hellsing, stood atop the armored personnel carrier that served as the NERV command center for the operation. She was wearing one of the pieces of clothing left to her by the late Sir Hellsing, a dark double-breasted suit of durable fabric, felt a bit like tweed, but it was black. Her H&amp;K was on her hip on a leather gunbelt.

Misato sighed and lowered the binoculars from her eyes. The town in the valley below was dead. Lights off, no heat signatures, plenty of movement, and she hadn't heard from her vampire in hours. Bending down, she reached one hand down into the turret hatch and snapped her fingers.

"Phone."

"Yes Ma'am." She heard, sounding like someone was calling her "mom", before the phone was in her hand.

She knew, for a fact, that vampires routinely developed telepathic abilities at any significant level of power. She also knew, for a goddamn fact, that after exchanging blood with the living, even weak vampires could communicate with the exchangee with their minds.

Why then, she thought as she flipped open the phone, did this vampire, this annoying, snarky, troll of a vampire, insist on using the telephone?!

She punched in the number and held the phone up, listening to it ring.

"Moshi moshi." Came the rumbling bass voice.

"Have you even been to Japan?"

"I am one point oh four three percent Japanese, I will have you know."

"How… no, you know what, I don't want to know. Report, where are you, why haven't you gotten started yet?"

"Still looking at the menu."

"Vamp-"

"Oh sorry, got to go, here comes the appetizer." He said and hung up.

Misato stamped her foot on the deck of the tank, fuming at the phone.

Shinji flipped the phone shut and slid it into his jacket. All around him, red eyes were lighting up the night.

"Pretty brave, coming here all on your own, lap dog." Came a sneer from the darkness.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you caught me on an errand. You see I am looking for a real fucking vampire, but I keep finding these little shits with bush league trash talk."

"Hey, we aren't some fucking ghouls! We're real undead!"

"Oh really?" Shinji said, a little smile coming to his lips.

"Yeah really." The voice finally gained direction and stepped out from the shadows into the moonlight. He was tall, with ivory pallor skin. He wore dark trousers and a dark dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, open down to the third button to show off his chest. The skin was tight across his long face and his hair was brushed back in something that passed for a pompedour. As he took his hands from his pockets, his nails shifted into long black claws.

"Well, maybe you could tell me where to find Satchmo'."

"Heh, oh I saw him just this dusk, when he sent me here to kill you. You see we've been watching Hellsing's bullshit for a while now. We know what you are, and my sire sent me here because he knows I am beyond anything you could imagine."

Shinji's smile became a manic grin. "Oh, tell me more."

"I don't need guns, I've left such human things behind me. The night and the shadows are my weapons, my familiars are legion, I can regenerate from a single drop of blood in the blink of an eye! You are like an insect as to a god compared to me!" The vampire said, raising his talons to sky and cackling at the moon.

Shinji began to slowly clap. "Impressive. You have me at a disadvantage though. What is your name, oh vampire king?"

"Edward! Remember it well for it is-"

"Wait, Edward?"

"Yes, Edward."

"That's a stupid name for a vampire."

"What?"

"It's a stupid fucking name for a vampire, weren't you listening _Eddie_?" Shinji said with a sneer, one red eye glowing over the rim of his sunglasses.

"Silence!" The vampire screamed and lunged for Shinji. He moved like lightening, but stopped short when the barrels of the shotgun jabbed into his throat. Edward had less than a moment to consider it before all facility for thinking was removed with the pull of a trigger.

In a flash, Shinji had the vandalized battle rifle out. As he fired into the darkness, screams filled the night. All the way outside town, atop the APC, Misato heard the screaming before it was slowly drowned out by deep, dark, terrible laughter.

"Come, get up! I just shot your fucking legs off! I thought you were real fucking vampires!"

And the profanity… oh the profanity. The laughing didn't even stop, she just figured he grew another mouth to shoulder the burden.

"You pieces of undead shit! Utterly fucking embarrassing, that's what you are you depressing pile of douche nuggets! Hey, don't run away from me! Don't you know it will just make me want to chase you more!"

She had gotten used to it, but the way his voiced changed as he descended into blood soaked mania still disturbed some of the men. He stopped talking and started growling out the words, and they shook through the spine like someone was dancing jigs on your grave. It was like Clint Eastwood doing voices for South Park.

Misato listened for a while longer then dialed the phone again.

"Don't you fucking know its rude as shit to call someone during dinner!"

"You're playing with your food, and if any are still alive, that means you haven't found the alpha yet. Get on with it."

"…"

"Vampire." She said impatiently.

"Fun Nazi."

"Eat shit and die you undead sack of…" Misato groaned and grabbed at her hair. He was rubbing off on her. "Do you at least have an idea where the alpha is?"

"Well one side dish did… oh helloooooo, that's funny."

"What, what is it?"

"My leftovers all just turned to ash. Damn, and I wasn't finished yet."

"Well one of them had to be… just a moment, HQ is calling." Misato transferred lines.

"Katsuragi, go ahead… I don't have any information on other forces in the area, who is stepping on my operation… the Vatican?! What are they even doing here, this is nowhere near their… who? Oh holy hell if he is here that means... fuck fuck fuck."

Misato quickly switched back to the vampire.

"There is another friendly operator in the city, do not engage, retreat immediately, I repeat, get your dead ass back here now! Vampire, are you there? Answer me dammit! Shinji, respond!" Misato nearly threw the phone down when the line went dead. Instead, she hopped down through the turret hatch.

"Get me down there, now!"

**No Life King Of Tokyo-3**

**Chapter 2: Sword Dancer**

"You know, its rude to interrupt someone's meal." Shinji said, standing in a solid three inches of ash that filled the street sidewalk to sidewalk for at least twenty yards. He could not see that which had killed the alpha vampire, but he could sense its presence. So angry, so pure, so… familiar. Shinji scrunched up his nose, smelling the air.

"Oh, I smell… is that… rage with a side of hypocrisy? So lovely to see Section XIII again." He said, holding his weapons at his sides while shadowy hands reloaded them.

"Be silent and contemplate your fate, for the LORD's judgment has come to pass upon ye…" Screamed a voice, shrill like a caterwaul.

"Oh… ooooooooooh, oh sweet Ronnie James Dio, tell me you're a virgin!"

"I am his angel of death and mercy, his pure blade against the heathens and monsters!" Came the shrill voice again.

Shinji held his laughter to a snicker as the woman approached. She looked barely more than a girl, but he could sense, NO… he could _feel_ the enduring, burning rage that she exuded. The kind of eternal hate that only the world weary can have, only when they have lived long enough to have dreams, to see them crushed, built back up, and crushed again. The hate of the young was but a cinder before this fire.

The black robes of her habit swirled in the breeze, gathered at her waist with a sash tied into a belt. Looped through the sash was a rosary that only swayed slightly, held down by a steel cross as long as a man's hand. Her head was bare and her long red hair flowed down past her shoulders. Her crystal blue eyes practically shined in the darkness.

In her right hand she held a cruciform hand and a half sword. The blade felt dangerous, Shinji wasn't sure if it was blessed, silver, or, more likely, both.

"Hey you remind me of someone, you ever meet a psychotic Scotsman named Ander-"

"Do not speak his name cur! I will not have it dirtied by your tongue." She snapped and pointed the tip of the blade at the vampire. "Now kneel down and ask forgiveness before the end!"

"Oh you are just too precious." Shinji said, raising the battle rifle in one hand. "Now lets see if you are going to be any fun like he was. You know, before he became a filthy monster…"

Shinji smirked when the insult sent to the red-haired girl into an even higher state of rage. He gave her a moment to raise her sword before he pulled the trigger.

BLAM

She fell backwards, most of her skull gone, the sword clattering to the ground. Shinji kept the rifle up.

"Oh come on, tonight has just been disappointment after disappointment. I know this little song and dance sister, get up."

The corpse began to stir, one hand reaching back to grab the blade before it began to rise. Flesh and bone knitted back together from nothing, finishing with the neat little thirty-caliber hole between her eyes closing up.

"What, did you really think I was going to just turn around and let you have a free shot?"

The girl shrugged then started to roll her neck and shoulders. "It was a worth a try, vampires are fairly retarded in my experience. So you are NERV's new pet abomination then?"

"I work for Sir Hellsing, she just happens to be following NERV orders right now."

"Ah yes, the mighty Alucard reborn. I've always wanted to test myself against Alexander's killer."

"Let me guess, student out to avenge her master?"

She laughed and tossed back her hair. "Hardly. It just gets tiresome always being compared to a dead man, no matter how righteous. So vampire, ready to face your end?"

Shinji chuckled and made a little bow with one foot in front of the other. "A name, if you would, to remember you by. Just in case."

The girl planted the tip of her blade in the ground in front of her and laid her hands across the pommel. "You may call me The Great Asuka Langely Soryu, vampire. Remember it so you may tell them at the gates of hell who banished you from this world."

Asuka's eyebrow began to twitch as the filthy beast doubled over in laughter.

"HAHAHAhaha… woo… okay give me a minute miss… what do I call you, miss great, sister Soryu, what? Oh it doesn't fucking matter…" The vampire said, stifling laughter. "Sorry, I just…. Oh hello."

With teeth clenched and lips pulled back in a growl, Asuka pulled her sword from the ground. As the tip drug against the pavement, it sparked and the whole of the blade ignited in white-hot flames. She screamed a banshee's wail as she swung the sword and fire shot out in a great ribbon across the roadway towards Shinji. The flames opened up like a chesire cat's grin complete with teeth and bore down on the vampire.

Shinji raised his weapons in an inverted cross a moment too late. His suit burned to dust and his skin to char in the blink of an eye. Even as he stood, his flesh began to fall to the ground as ash.

"My fire is my faith made manifest, the holy will of the LORD. No unholy monster can survive its heat!"

As the guns clattered to the ground and the last of the body collapsed to cinder, only the white gloved hands were left untouched, bouncing as they fell in little craters within the sea of ashen vampire remains.

Asuka was getting ready to call her superior and inform him of her success when the vampire, despite having no mouth, no head, nor even a body to speak of at all, continued speaking.

"And here I thought the last of you had been put down. How predictable that Iscariot would keep the last one for themselves. But you know, I'm happy for you, I really am. Even after you tried to kill me. And tore me to pieces. And threw every piece into a fire. It only burned so much because I was so happy for you."

Asuka threw up her free hand to shield her eyes as a dust devil kicked up, throwing ash everywhere.

"See, since your mother's mother's mother's WHORE of a mother consorted with demons, that makes you just a little bit demon yourself. Which means you're not truly human."

When two red dots appeared in the center of the thickening dust storm, Asuka's eyes went wide and she quickly grasped her blade in both hands and raised her guard.

"Which means you get to see something Anderson never did. How I dispose of all the fucking trash I find walking the earth!"

Somewhere in the pitch-black storm, those perfect, completely unsullied, white gloved hands lifted up and came to float in the air, right in front of those glowing red eyes. Fingers extended into a magic sign, they framed one perfectly formed eye that glowed like a jewel in the darkness and stared right into the soul of the paladin Asuka Langely Soryu.

Dust and ash turned to the beats of leathery wings as the storm tightened in upon itself. From the eyes to the face and the neck, to the shoulders where wrists and arms met body and built a chest and legs, he came. Black hair flowing from his head, framing those crimson eyes and white fangs that flashed in the moonlight as the last of the storm fell away. Black leather and straps wrapped around every inch of his body but for his head and those perfect white gloves.

Asuka screamed as she swung her sword, unleashing a firestorm against the vampire. For every lash of fire, for every beast of flame she loosed on him, the darkness swallowed the flame in a flash of teeth, drool, and scarlet eyes. When he began to walk towards her, her screams took on a very different timbre.

"_Well come on Lilith-spawn! Surely you must know more spells than this pathetic wytchfire. Bring out your familiars in their fullness, call upon your dark pacts, set loose the armies of hell and FIGHT ME! If you are going to ruin my night, the least you can do is save us all a lot of awkward embarrassment and stand your ground! Tell you what, I'll put on some horns if it will help get you in the mood, how's about it? You can have it just like little old great-great-great grandma._"

Asuka charged with a banshee's scream, her sword trailing flame behind her. Shinji drew his guns and met her, clenched jaw fixed in a manic grin. Blessed silver met blued steel as they met, the vampire blocking the paladin's blade with his weapons crossed in an X. The weapons rattled against each other as both pushed forward, neither fighter able to overcome the other.

Asuka stood her ground until she felt the ground start to become slick beneath her. She pushed hard to fling herself back from the vampire and shot out a gout of flame from her left hand at the red-eyed familiar that had tried to consume her from below.

Shinji raised both guns and opened fire. Asuka easily dodged the stream of silver rifle bullets and even the gear slug, but caught the wave of silver buckshot in the chest. The silver did no harm upon her and she quickly lifted her guard as she regenerated, just in time to parry the vampire's rifle as it stabbed towards her breast.

"_Oh yeah, just like that!_"

She growled and swung her blade in a horizontal arc, forcing the vampire back. The tip of her sword caught the stock of the rifle, tearing the already abused wood apart. Shinji threw the battered remains of the rifle at the witch as he stepped back. She sliced it in two in one stroke, leaving it to fall to the ground in a pile of junk.

When she heard the slap of the shotgun closing Asuka made a circle of fire in the air and summoned her strongest defense. Flame formed the head of a lion just in time to catch two finger sized projectiles before they reached the witch. She saw them for a moment, spinning there in the air, before they exploded. The witch was flung back, but Shinji was disappointed when the dust cleared and she still stood.

"_Quality craftsmen are so hard to find. Well harder for you lot I would think, after that whole Leonardo thing._"

The right side of the vampire body flowed into the snarling mouth of a hound and he set his strongest familiar on the witch. The hellhound Baskervilles was met by an equal beast, a lion wreathed in fire. As the beasts obliterated eachother back into shadow, Shinji could see the witch wrapped in fire herself, her long hair indistinguishable from the tongues of flame that flowed off and around her.

She raised her sword in both hands and prepared to charge. He raised one white gloved hand with his fingers formed into a blade.

"Our abilities seem equal beast. Lets end this, here and now!"

"_So many women are all about the foreplay. I'm happy to see you like to skip straight to penetration!_"

The BOOM of 20mm cannon broke the night and both monsters looked to the armored vehicle that fired the shot, and the woman in a dark suit climbing out of it.

"Stand down, both of you! NERV welcomes the continued assistance of the Vatican, but will not tolerate any further unauthorized encroachment."

The vampire sneered at the witch as their both powers receded. "Anderson at least cut off my head before mommy told us to play nice."

"AND YOU!" Misato screamed at the vampire. "I don't know how this happened but I'll be damned if you didn't start it or make it worse. What did you do?"

"I haven't the slightest idea what you mean." Shinji said, straightening his suit jacket as it reappeared then sliding on his sunglasses. His weapon had melted away into his shadow.

"Bullshit! Tell me everything this instant!"

"Well excuse me, I didn't expect the Spanish inquisition." Shinji said, grumbling before his ears perked up.

"That is because, Señor nightwalker, nobody expects us…"

"Well well, what do we have here..."

"Because amongst our chief weapons are surprise, fear, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the pope, and of course our snazzy uniforms." Said the man in the red and black vestments who stepped out behind the paladin. Asuka was letting her sword hang in one hand and rubbing the bridge of her nose with the other.

"Father Kaji…" Asuka said with an irritated growl.

"Oh, a priest with a sense of humor, that's a new one. Check that off the bucket list." Shinji said then snapped his shotgun out from under his coat. "And the next item, killing a priest with a sense of humor!"

"Stand down!" Misato barked, then pointed at the Catholics. "Ryoji, send your subordinate away! We will discuss this gross violation of jurisdiction alone."

"If I may…" The vampire began.

"BE GONE, NOW! And you are absolutely forbidden from engaging the paladin. The Vatican will reciprocate of course, _right_?"

"Yes yes of course. Asuka, please go on ahead, and leave the pet vampire alone."

The girl grumbled.

"Sister Asuka…"

"Yes Father Kaji!" The red head said, stomping off in a huff in the other direction. Shinji melted away into the shadows, scowling. Misato stepped down from atop the armored vehicle and approached the inquisitor.

"Start talking, why are you here?"

"Short on pleasantries as always. Would it be so wrong to catch up a little, perhaps share a drink between friends?"

"I have no pleasantries for you, nor will I ever admit to being any friend of yours, Kaji."

"Oh come on Misa-chan, it could be like that week in Rome-" Inquisitor Kaji said before quickly shutting his mouth . Misato had raised her right arm and used another gift from the late Sir Hellsing as a silver plated pistol slid out of her sleeve and into her hand.

"One more word, papist pig."

The priest gave a petulant frown and took a step away from her. "I am here on with my young ward on Section XIII business. I am afraid I cannot discuss it further."

"You are here in gross violation of multiple treaties. Now, tell me what you are up to and maybe I won't pursue sanctions against the Vatican."

"Shut your filthy mouth…" The priest said with a sneer. "I will not sit here and tolerate a godless **neuter** talking down to me."

_When asked to justify her following actions later, Misato Hellsing nee Katsuragi could only offer that the Section XIII Inquisitor 'startled' her._

Misato whipped the small pistol across the Inquisitor Ryoji's jaw with enough force to send him to the ground.

"NO! I will not be lectured by a child bothering cliché! You and your subordinate are illegal combatants in an active combat zone under UN jurisdiction. If you continue to refuse to cooperate, I will arrest you both. If you should resist and as this point I REALLY hope you do, I will have my pet eldritch abomination eat you without the most infinitesimally small bit of remorse. Do I make myself clear?!"

The priest raised his hands from his swelling cheek, palms up in a gesture of compliance, and nodded.

"And before you even think of setting your girl on us, and yes we are well aware of her, thank you very much, certain specialty ordinance for dealing with her disgusting kind is already in the air. Now _Father Kaji_, start talking!"

* * *

The vampire boy with the too deep voice was all but bouncing up and down in his seat "And then what? Did you hit him again, shoot him in the knee cap, what? Oh come now, don't leave me hanging."

Misato sat across from Shinji in the tight confines of the armored personnel carrier as it rumbled along. She had one leg crossed over the other and was holding the bridge of her nose in one hand and was resisting showing the vampire the pleasure she had taken in dealing with the inquisitor.

"You can read my mind, why are you so intent on hearing me say it?" She said, suppressing a laugh at the vampire's child like antics.

"Its not the same."

"We had a frank discussion and compared intelligence on the alpha vampire in the area, this Satchmo character. They were pursuing the bottom up strategy, so even though they had a good idea of its location they had no interest in making a strike at this time."

"But if I take him out, that's the end of it. Then we move on to the alpha that created him."

"Exactly. That is the top down strategy. Kill the alphas to destroy all of their underlings and keep moving down the family tree."

"And that's where we are going now, to address Mr. Satchmo?"

"Yes, we should arrive shortly after 0200."

"The night is looking up." Shinji said, leaning as far back as he could with a toothy grin, one glowing red eye peeking over his sunglasses. "Oh, and I am going to need a new gun. The witch destroyed my rifle."

"Well, wrap this one up neat and tidy tonight and I will speak to R&amp;D. No playing with your food though."

The vampire shifted into the form of the sickly child in a white shirt and dark slacks, and said in a much more normal voice. "ugh, yes moooooom."

"You know that face loses its effect when you keep using it like that."

The child with the sunken eyes and pallor grey skin slumped forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"W-when he uses my face… you know, like that… that's just what he wants." The boy said, his tone quite pathetic compared to even a moment before. In a wave of crawling darkness, the vampire shifted back to his normal form of a fit young man in a black suit. Uncharacteristically, he was silent.

"The hell was that?"

"…"

"Answer me, what was that just now?"

"Just another trick, that's all." He said in his unnaturally deep voice.

"You aren't telling me everything, vampire."

"No, I am not. And I am done talking."

It was another hour before he spoke again. He had crossed his arms and legs and sulked after the last time.

"Stop here. I can feel him."

"No, we are still an at least 50 clicks out, keep going.

"You like the boy, right?... it doesn't matter if you say anything or not. If you want to continue liking him, stop here and stay back. This is not the trash we have been disposing of so far."

"If its that bad we will just call in an airstrike."

"It would accomplish nothing."

"… that bad?"

"Yes."

"How has he stayed hidden this long?"

"Your machines sense our kind differently than we ourselves do. He has figured out to how to hide from you. But to me… well its like a dog walking into another dog's territory. You can smell it."

Misato knocked on the drivers sear in the front of the vehicle. "Stop it here. The vampire is getting out."

"Yes Ma'am."

Shinji stood and slipped his shotgun from the shadows, loading it as he walked down the rear exit ramp.

"You come back vampire." Misato said, still seated. "Eliminate the target and return to me. I will accept nothing less."

"Yes master." He said before melting into the night. When he had gone and the hatches closed up, Misato reached for the radio.

"I need authorization for a possible N2 airstrike. It is a contingency, just get the request moving."

* * *

"So you're the mighty Alucard, I-"

BLAM

Shinji consumed the headless vampire's body with one bite and a mass of shadows. It was the eleventh piece of low level meat he had found so far, and he was getting really tired of the delays.

"Yeah yeah." He said right before he thrust his bladed hand clean through another vampire who never got a chance to spring his ambush. "Do you know how annoying this gets, do any of you really?"

Shinji aimed blind down one side of an alleyway, fired, then swung his weapon to the other side of the street and fired again without looking. Both vampires burst into flames with their bodies peppered with silver.

"Everyone is always introducing themselves and oh, they already know me! Just once…"

In a blur, Shinji reloaded and fired. A whole pack of young nightwalkers, none more than a few nights turned, died in a swarm of silver fletchettes.

"I'd like to be the one going please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste."

**Well get on with it then.**

"Oh my…" Shinji said. There were no vampires around him, though he could sense dozens standing off, watching. None of them were the source of the words. It wasn't so much a sound, nor telepathy. It was like the very presence that hung over the area changed to give the impression of speech. It aroused his interest, among other things.

"Satchmo, I presume?"

**That is what the plebeians call me, yes. I am a perfect being, a gestalt of millions, unlike such base creatures of yourself. I am not one enslaving the many. I am a nation given form, all of one mind and one purpose. I am Sachiel. But you, primitive, have been beneath my notice. So please, introduce yourself, man of wealth and taste.**

Shinji slipped his shotgun into the shadows. He pulled his sunglasses away from his face with one hand and loosened his tie with the other. He brushed his dark hair away from his glowing red eyes before raising his hands straight out to his sides. He took a deep breath, and as he breathed out, his suit fit more loosely, and his skin lost all color. The sickly child looked out into the night then yelled in his young, breaking voice.

"I am the vampire Shinji Ikari! I serve the Royal Order Of Protestant Knights, the Hellsing Organization. I hunt freaks and every one I meet wants to test themselves against the vampire Alucard. Well, I'm not him!"

Shinji brought his hands together and formed a secret sign, two fingers and the thumb on each framing one eye.

"Releasing control art restriction system level three, level two…" Shinji said before his voice transitioned back into the sinister basso with its supernatural echo. "_Level 1. Situation A recognized, the Cromwell Invocation is in effect. Limited release of advanced abilities is authorized until the target is silenced._"

**If you are not the vampire Alucard, then what are you?**

_"Your worst fucking nightmare, that's what!"_

Shinji's right arm shifted to drooling shadows and he slammed it into the ground. With the full breadth of his powers he could finally sense where the real enemy was, far below.

_"Now get up here!"_

The ground around the vampire began to crack and buckle. When his prey didn't rise, insect legs each the height of a house split from his shadows, stabbed into the ground and began to heave. Cracks turned into crevices as the earth split.

_"Well __**perfect being**__, what's taking you so long?"_

**I had hoped to not have to bother with such a small threat, but it appears you warrant my attention.**

A hundred meters ahead, one gigantic arm split from the ground, and then another. Shinji removed his shadows from the ground and let one whip like arm and the massive of segmented legs hang there as he began to laugh.

The angel Sachiel pulled itself from the ground with long, gangly limbs. Its flesh was tinged green with rot but translucent enough to see the flows of blood and straining muscles. Armor made of amalgamated bone covered its shoulders and formed a bird like mask across its headless torso.

Shinji let the undead monster bring itself to stand on bird-like feet before speaking again.

_"That's a perfect fucking being?"_

**I am the divine result of eons of undead evolution on this world and so many others. You are nothing but a dead end foot note that I will crush here tonight!**

_"You're kidding, you're joking, I can't believe my ears! You're kidding me, ya gotta be, you can't be all there is. You're funny, see I'm laughing, you're really just too much…"_

Shinji threw his arms down and released his shadows fully. The undead life forces of the observing vampires were snuffed out by tendrils of his power then with a roar a column of darkness, teeth, and eyes rose from the ground high into the air. It formed a serpent , the head of which emerged from shadow with huge gnashing teeth, glowing red eyes, and a single horn atop its frilled head. It was bent over to be face to face with the angel.

_"And now with your permission, I'm gonna do my stuff."_

The angel raised its arms in defense but was too slow and too weak as the huge jaws clamps down around its entire torso. The serpent rose, lifting Sachiel high into the air, then slammed it down hard enough to make tremors that rocked the NERV APC fifty kilometers away. It slammed the angel down again and again until every supporting bone in its putrid body was crushed. The serpent raised itself straight up to the sky, unhinged its jaw, and with disgusting gulping sounds, swallowed the angel whole.

As quickly as it had formed, the serpent was pulled back towards the earth and standing in the middle of a crater that flattened buildings and trees for hundreds of meters around, was the vampire Shinji Ikari, his body a man shape outline of bloodshot eyes and flashing teeth.

_"Fuckmothering yes that felt good._"

Leather straps overtook his shadow body as his hands were covered in sealed white gloves. He straightened his tie even as it formed and as his suit took shape he slipped his sunglasses back on his face.

"Enemy eradicated. Limited release complete."

Shinji reached into his jacket and withdrew his cell phone.

* * *

"So that's your field report then?"

"Yuuuup."

"So you found the angel, dug him up from underground and…"

"Ate'em."

"Yes, ate him…right."

"You sound like you don't believe me."

"Well, its just that the last time we killed an angel it took several N2 weapons with hexagrammic wards in silver and blessings from both popes, the patriarch of Constantinople, the Dalai Lama, and a witch doctor from Brazil."

"Ugh."

"What?"

"I don't like Brazil."

"Whatever. Were you able to learn anything from the angel?"

"Lots, none of which I am willing to discuss over the phone."

"Fine, we are coming to get you now. You can give your full report at HQ."

"Don't bother, I'll meet you there."

"And just how are you going to get all the way to Tokyo-3?"

"I'm going for a walk."

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Misato screamed into the phone, but it was useless, he had already hung up. She was seething as she dialed again.

"Pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pick up the phone right fucking now!" She snarled through clenched teeth as the phone rang.

"I'm sorry, the person you have dialed has not set up their voice mail system yet. Goodbye." Beep.

end

* * *

Hehe, good times.

So what is Asuka? Not telling yet.

Extra content:

Gun porn is part and parcel to Hellsing, but I couldn't find a good place to fit this in, so here it is as an extra. Imagine Stephen Fry as Jeeves speaking this.

Ahem,

Hellsing Arms modified, 12-bore over and under shotgun, Orthrus

Adapted from a favorite fowling piece of the third Sir Hellsing, Arthur, this weapon began life as a Holland &amp; Holland 28-inch custom grade. It was modified in 1985 shortly before the late Sir Hellsing's death. Much of the engraving work is original to the piece, however substantial work was done to apply and bless a new coating of silver over all the exterior metal.

The barrels have each had their geometry modified for tighter groups and accurate sabot fire.

Due to the radical change in profile with the shortening of the barrels, a new hand guard was necessary and carved from the same piece of wood as the new bird's head grip. Speaking of which, the checkering on both pieces of furniture, as well as the carving of the canine grotesque on the pommel, was not done by the gunsmith responsible for the rest of the piece, the disgraced Walter C. Dornez. The woodwork was actually accomplished by the Hellsing's groundskeeper, a Glaswegian gentleman known only as Willie, whose name and fate have been lost to history.

While the piece itself is of the utmost quality, the real utility of the weapon comes in the variety of ammunition available. 00 buckshot and 1 ounce gear slugs may be produced in silver, in quantity, with the accompanying molds. Additionally, under collaboration with our American counterparts, several specialized payloads have been developed.

First, the "dragon's breath" incendiary around is used without much modification, only the addition of a small package of silver nitrate, which ives the resulting flames a certain sparking quality.

Second, the APFSDS derived sabot dart. This round consists of a sabot around a quite slight core. This core consists of preporforated silver body over a small amount of trigger explosive, commonly known as detcord. Once the relatively light projectile is lodged in the target, the explosive sends hundreds of nearly invisible fragments into the flesh. In undead targets, this has been documented to have very positive incendiary results.

Finally, we have produced limited quantities of our version of the American FRAG-12, a fin stabilized grenade round capable of being launched from any 12-bore weapon. Our only modification is the addition of blessedsilver alloy in the outer shell. Once the projectile leaves the barrel, curves fins deploy. On impact with a solid surface or after a pre-set distance, the explosive is triggered.

These specialized rounds have all been deployed in the story so far. The dragons breath was deployed against ghouls shortly after Shinji and Misato met. The APFDS was used against Maggot. The frag-12 rounds were used unsuccessfully against Asuka. She got both rounds in a defensive familiar.


End file.
